To the End of our Days
by 143Reno
Summary: Marked at the 11th Espada, Cantara felt as though she would never be able to work in the world of the dead. After finding someone who thinks very similar to herself, she may be able to find her true self yet. UlquiorraXOC


It was so confusing to be an Espada. Either people liked you or they didn't and if they didn't it would be a waste of time to try to even attempt to change their mind. Who am I? I'm a nobody just because I was recently added to the collection. Espada number eleven, that's me. No one wanted to pay me any mind just because I was the highest number; it's not like I'm not strong or something, it's just because I was added late. I've never dared to challenge any of the others to gain my honor back in the fear that I'll make a fool out of myself. The only person who ever took the time of day to even converse with me was Sayzel- and that's only because he thinks I'm a genius. The life of an Espada is a lonely one, but who has a choice in their fate anyway?

"Cantara, I need your help with something." Halibel said to me from across the room.

"What's the matter?" she handed me her sword and took off part of her outfit.

"Hold those, will you? I need to leap down into this hole and fetch something." She said before jumping down into the dark abyss.

"Do you need me to come down there and help you or something?" I called down to her.

"No, just stay up there and hold my things please." She yelled back up. I heard her shuffling about and cursing because she kept running into walls. "Yes! I got it!" she yelled up before climbing out of the hole. I contained a laugh because her face was covered in dirt but she was holding a black box.

"What is that, if you don't mind me asking?" I asked as I handed her the sword and cloth back.

"Oh, this? It's Ulquiorra's memory box. Me and a couple of other people stole it from his room so we could see what his life was like before coming here…but there's some kind of keypad on here that we couldn't break through. Grimmjow got impatient and chucked it down this hole last night. We all forgot about it until I saw Ulquiorra poking around probably trying to find it. Thanks for holding my crap." She said as she fastened her belt tightly around her waist.

"Yeah, no problem." I said as I was about to walk away.

"Hey, why don't you ever come around to hang out or anything?"

"Well, everyone tries to stay away from me because I'm number eleven and they think I'm a weakling." I said with saddened eyes.

"Oh please, Aizen-sama doesn't accept weaklings into Hueco Mundo." She lifted the sword onto her back, "why don't you come hang out with everyone tonight?" she asked.

"Um…well…alright I don't see why not." I said with a nervous smile.

"Great! We all meet outside the palace on top of the roof after the evening meeting. See you then!" she yelled as she ran the opposite way down the hall.

I was in for it now. I never spoke to anyone here before and now I'm going to hang out with everyone? It was impossible to be comfortable in this type of situation! I prayed tonight's meeting would go on forever so I didn't have to face the biggest challenge of my life of being an Espada…making friends with other Espada.

"And that concludes the information I've been given by Tousen. It's the only thing that will help us reach our goals of destroying the Seiretei. Any questions? No? Good you're all dismissed." Aizen concluded. Everyone rose from where they were sitting and Halibel winked at me and pointed to the ceiling. She ran off with a few others and I was left standing in the same place I had been.

"Anything the matter, Cantara?" asked Aizen.

"Nothing, sir…well maybe there is. Why did you choose me to be number eleven?" I asked.

"It just happened that way. You were the most recent addition and I saw promise in you. Your powers haven't fully bloomed yet as you could probably tell and once they do you'd probably be able to beat anyone here for their spot. I wouldn't try it yet because they'll annihilate you and I'm not ready to dispose of you yet." He said before he walked away. Well that was pleasant- not ready to dispose of me yet? Love you too, Aizen.

"HEY! It's Cantara!" Halibel yelled from her spot on the roof.

"Yeah, I'm here." I said while sitting down in between her and Ulquiorra.

"I didn't think you were going to show, you took forever." She said while giving me a pat on the back.

"I had to stay behind and ask Aizen-sama a question…" I drifted off into thought when I thought about his words again.

"What question?" Grimmjow asked from the other side of Halibel.

"I just asked why I was chosen to be number eleven…it's a pretty terrible number." I said with sorrow.

"Yeah, you can say that again!" Yammy yelled as he and Grimmjow hooted with laughter.

"Well he said my powers weren't developed yet and when they do he said I could kill any one of you and take your spot." That got them to shut up.

"Don't even try it, girl." Grimmjow said with a glare.

"Please, like I would actually be able to do that. I just want my power before Aizen-sama disposes of me." I said with a blank stare.

"Disposes of you?" Stark asked.

"Yes, those are his exact words. 'Don't try to take anyone on yet you'll be destroyed; and I'm not ready to dispose of you yet." I said to them with sorrow in my voice.

"That's how it is for everyone. Either we fight his battle well or he has no use for us. It's crucial to have strength in order to survive." Ulquiorra said in an almost whisper from next to me.

"That's why I desperately need to train. I'm going to improve whether it kills me or not." I said with determination. The wind tussled my long black hair as everyone's eyes stared at me.

"You know, you're almost as pale as Ulquiorra! You two would make the whitest babies ever!" Luri screamed out with laughter. Everyone else laughed aside from Ulquiorra and I. We exchanged glances and the moment his green eyes met my brown ones I felt something. I touched my heart and looked down confused- what was that feeling? I felt a little sick to my stomach, but at the same time I felt fine.

"You alright there, Cantara?" Sayzel asked as he pointed to my hand.

"I think so, I don't know. I just got this weird feeling that made me feel sick…but at the same time it felt wonderful. I think I've gone mental. Maybe those chemicals we used earlier are affecting me." I said with a grimace.

"They can't hurt us- they're a weapon for humans and Shinigami only, stupid." He said while shaking his head.

"Well, I don't know then." I said as I removed my hand. I stood up and walked to the edge of the roof. It was colder up here since it was closer to the sky, and I put my arms out on either side of myself. I let the wind blow my long hair back and for the first time in a long time I smiled wide and proud. This went much better than I expected and maybe living here as an Espada wouldn't be so bad anymore. I lowered my arms and turned around. I saw Ulquiorra staring straight at me and I felt a small blush creep onto my face. I was far enough away from him where he wouldn't see it but I was confused.

I walked over next to him again and he still stared at me.

"You seem very similar to myself, you know." I said to him. He didn't respond. "I've noticed that you're always cool, calm, and collected unlike the others. It's nice to know there's some sense left in this place." I said while turning away from him.

"You don't know anything about me." He said in response. I turned back to look at him.

"You're right, I really don't. It's foolish of me to think I do; I would like to change that though." He stared at me once more with no emotion playing on his face. I felt like he would be easy to talk to because he doesn't constantly interject what he's thinking about what you're saying.

"It'd be nice to be able to actually talk to someone here without wanting to kill myself for a change. Constantly being laughed at isn't my way of living- it's just not fun." I said while lying back on the roof and staring at the starry sky.

"Kill yourself?" he asked.

"Mhm, I've not been here for very long- but it seems like I've spent an eternity of loneliness here. If it hadn't been for Halibel speaking to me this morning, I would be sitting on my bed staring at my ceiling instead of staring at the sky." I said with a weakened voice.

"You don't want to do this." He said to me out of nowhere.

"Do what?" I asked while sitting up again.

"You don't want to put yourself in this situation with me."

"What are you saying?" he wasn't making any sense.

"Don't become close to me. I don't let myself down around other people like most others do and you'll only end up prying into places you don't want to be." He said with a cynical tone.

"I don't plan on prying. You don't even have to speak to me. I've felt the calmest here around you more than I have this entire time. It's your Aura; you're so solemn that it's nice to be around. You don't have to say a damn word to me as long as I can just lay here and know someone's there next to me." I said as the stars danced in his eyes. He stared right back into mine as if he were in a trance. We sat there for a while as the wind tugged at our clothes and messed our hair.

"Hey outcasts come here and talk to the rest of the world!" Luri called over. We broke the spell that was cast and made eye contact with the others. Halibel elbowed Luri in the head and glared.

"Don't listen to this moron, do what you want!" she called over. I took this as a hint that they'd all been watching…and I wanted to make more friends than just one so I stood and stretched.

"Come with me?" I asked him. He stood and put his hands in his pockets. We walked over and joined the rest of the group.

I was right; life did get better as an Espada once I had friends. I spent most of my time with Ulquiorra out of everyone though- it felt like we had some kind of attachment. Nothing romantic though…right? I still got that strange feeling inside whenever I saw him for the first time and I would get so excited whenever I heard a knock at the door and saw it was him standing there. He still didn't say much, but I was pretty sure he enjoyed spending time with me, too.

"Hey, Ulquiorra- have you ever gotten the feeling where it feels like everything was planned out from the start? Like someone was just controlling everything you did and life unrolled like a big, red carpet?" I asked him as we were lying on the sand one morning.

"No. I believe everything is in the hands of the person's life that's living it. People control all of their actions and the events that occur." He said in an almost whisper.

"I think everything happens for a reason- whether there is a greater force controlling it or whether the people _do_ control it. I think both views are right because sometimes I feel as if I can't control the things that happen to me, but other times I feel like I'm the most powerful person alive and I can control the universe." I said while closing my eyes. I heard his body shift in the sand and I looked up to see him sitting up. He glanced back and stared at me like he usually does.

"Tell me something- why do you always stare? I feel like you're analyzing something about me that I can't see." I said to him while tilting my head to the side.

"I don't know why I stare. I've never really noticed myself doing it before until just recently. Even when I noticed I couldn't stop myself." He said while looking away. I lay back down and looked the opposite direction to try to hide the blush that swept onto my face.

"I don't mind it. It lets me know you're listening." I said as I sat back up again.

"I'm always listening." He said as he stared into my eyes again.

"It's nice to have someone to talk to, even if I do most of the talking." I said back to him.

"You don't talk much though. It's not unbearable to sit here and listen to garbage pour out of someone's mouth. The things you say mean something- it's not just about what you look like in your uniform or what meaningless gossip is flying around." He said with an agitated look.

"I'm not one for gossip…nor am I one to obsess over looks. You are who you are and no one can change it." I said in response. We both lay back again and exhaled. It was nice to have someone like him around. It took my mind off the fact that I was actually dead in a world where war still raged on.

"Sway, Yuki Shiromizu!" I cried out as my sword formed into a spear with the tip a crystal blue tear drop. I aimed for the dancing target in front of me and shouted the attack trigger. Water shot out to attack and as soon as it made contact it pierced through and turned to ice. I'd been getting a lot better and I was much stronger than when I had first arrived. With the training help from Starrk and even Ulquiorra, I would have been able to defeat anyone from the numbers seven through ten.

"You've improved a lot, Cantara." Ulquiorra called softly from the side with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You think so? I've been training so hard I feel like my arms are going to fall off lately. Let's see Aizen-sama try to dispose of me now!" I yelled out as I shot another target. I'd grown comfortable in my skin whilst being there and I'd grown comfortable with the feeling that swept over me whenever Ulquiorra was around me. I had read thousands of books within the library and had diagnosed myself with a permanent sickness I was afraid to tell the others about…love. I didn't think it possible for an Espada to love another, but it was true and I didn't know what to do about it. I'd seen it in stories before and I'd seen it in the real lives of humans and it always works out for the characters I've seen and read about…but what about that thing called heart break?

"You could improve your posture a bit more, though." He said as he approached closer and stood behind me. He lifted my arms higher and twisted my hip a little. "You should get a bulls-eye hit with that stance." He whispered in my ear before backing up. I shot at the target once more and completely annihilated it.

"It worked!" I yelled as I leapt in the air. I looked at him behind me and he nodded once in acknowledgement. This was the best time I could ever try to cure myself, so I decided to give it a go. I walked slowly over to him and stood inches from his face.

"What are you doing, Cantara?" he asked in a nervous, bored tone.

"I'm sick, Ulquiorra. I'm terminally ill for the rest of my life. I researched it through thousands of books and actual real life and I figured out what was wrong. I can never get better, but I can get much worse. The only cure I found out was to make someone else terminally ill with me- the person who made me sick in the first place. I found out the horribly wonderful feeling in my chest that day on the roof and I can't tell whether it's good or bad. You made me sick the moment I looked at you, and you're the only one who can save me." I said to him with a dead serious face on.

"I…made you sick?" he asked with hidden shock.

"Very sick, but you hold the remedy."

"I do?" he asked again.

"Yes, and I hope it works." I said before standing on my tip-toes, putting my hands gently on both sides of his face and kissing him gently. He didn't back up but he didn't return the favor. "I can't tell if it worked or not." I said to him when I pulled back slightly.

"Check again." Was all he said before kissing me himself. When we ended, we stared into each others eyes and nodded.

"I think it worked that time." I said.

"Good, I think I'm cured now as well." He responded.

"You were love-sick too?" I asked him. He nodded once and kissed me once more. "Then we've solved the problem and we're okay now, right?"

"Indeed."

"Excellent."

I took his hand in mine and when he had a look of confusion I kissed his cheek. It was possible for Espadas to love one another, I'm just happy my story ended on such a wonderfully beautiful moment.


End file.
